John works out the name one letter at a time
John’s first question is “Are you a man?”, to which the follower responds “Badger” (yes). He then asks “Are you a sportsman?”, to which the follower responds “Crane” (no). John then asks “Are you a actor?”, receiving the response “Kiwi” (no), and “Are you a politician?”, receiving the response “Turtle dove” (no). John then goes more broad, asking “Are you famous?”, and receiving the response “Wildebeest” (yes), before asking “Are you a chef?”, and receiving the response “Common ostrich” (no). John then asks “Are you a comedian?” and hears the response “Ruddy duck” (no), before going super broad and asking “Are you human?”, receiving “Typical pigeon” (no) as the response.
Becoming quite confused, John asks both “Are you male?” and “Are you an animal?”, and receives the single response “Yellow hammer” (no). John then asks “Are you a robot?”, and receives the response “Gouldian finch” (no).
Having somehow determined that the follower is male, and knowing that it is not human or an animal, John’s mind turns to male and female power connections, and asks “Are you a cable?”. A chuckling follower responds with “Short-toed treecreeper” (no).
Feeling like he’s making no progress with his current approach, John then switches to trying to identify the follower’s name by asking them if it begins with each letter of the alphabet, starting with “Does your name begin with ‘A’?” (“Emu”/no), and then “Does your name begin with ‘B’?” (“Olive baboon”/yes).
John then asks once again if the follower is human (“Californian condor”/no), before asking “Do you have genitals?” (“Holy cross frog”/unsure). Alex confirms with John that it’s ambiguous whether the follower has genitals, which just confuses him further.
Returning to his alphabetical questioning technique, John asks “Is the second letter of your name an ‘R’?” (“Grey parrot”/no), then asks if the second letter is an ‘L’ (“Capybara”/yes). He then asks “Is the third letter a vowel?” (“Malayan tapir”/yes), before asking if it’s an ‘A’ (“Golden pheasant”/no), an ‘E’ (response not included in the edit), an ‘I’ (response not included in the edit), or an ‘O’ (“Pygmy hippopotamus”/yes).
Having now ascertained that the follower’s name beginnings with “BLO”, John then asks “Are you Mr Blobby?”, and receives a response of “Bactrian camel” (yes).
After being given permission to take a look by Alex, he does so, and exclaims “Fucking hell”, before being chased across the field by Mr Blobby on his golf caddy.
After Greg probes John’s question about cables in the studio, John explains his rationale, and admits he thought the follower might be something like a SCART lead.
Alex reveals that John was 19 paces away from the duck, when he correctly identified Mr Blobby, and so he earns 4 points for his effort.
(Written by Karl Craven)
(Illustrations collected by Jenny R and adjusted by David Fuller)
