King Melanie goes colonising

Mel enters the study wearing a crown made of paper and a cape, and holding a makeshift sceptre and orb (ball of yarn).

She attempts a posh English accent and announces herself as King Melanie of England, instructing everyone to bow before her.

She then pivots to using a cockney accent and compliments Jeremy’s portrait, before stealing it and taking it to the lab, which she announces is now the British museum. When Paul questions whether it’s also where her throne is located, she responds with the phrase “You bet your duck’s arse”.

When Paul enquires about this phrase, Mel remembers that rhyming slang is a thing, and decides that instead of saying ‘duck’, the British say “shit and fuck”.

She then goes ‘colonising’, by visiting various locations around the grounds of the Taskmaster house and renaming them in her own honour. She declares the caravan “Melville”, the bath “Melopolis”, and the dock “England 2.0”.

When Paul points out that there are some ducks on the lake, Mel corrects him my referring to them as “suck and fucks” (slightly muddling her own original rhyming slang).

She earns joint fourth place.

(Written by Will G and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by JoGo and adjusted by Karl Craven)