Kojey just wants to feed Alex
Before Kojey even begins his attempt at the task, he is smart enough to ask if he can fetch himself some water.
As he sits back down at the table with his glass of water, his knee bumps into the serving dish of chutneys and pickles suspended beneath the table, which he retrieves to help him through the task.
After eliminating the letter ‘Z’, Kojey tells Alex that he didn’t like the hoodie that Alex had been wearing that morning.
Kojey then eliminates the letters ‘X’, ‘V’, ‘Q’, and ‘J’ before posing a question to Alex, which he unfortunately prefaces with the word “Question”, and thus incurs a penalty for using the letter ‘Q’.
Kojey’s question is about the wording of the task brief, and he points out that it doesn’t explicitly state that he must be the one to eat them. He therefore has Alex kneel down next to him so that he can stuff poppadoms into Alex’s mouth, several at a time.
Kojey subsequently eliminates the letters ‘W’ and ‘G’ before stating that Greg “smells good”, thus earning himself a penalty for using a ‘G’. When Alex asks if Kojey has met Greg, he manages to respond without using any forbidden letters, stating, “In my head… smells like Paco Rabane”.
He then eliminates the letters ‘K’ and ‘Y’, but when feeding more of the poppadoms to Alex, keeps repeating the word “yeah”, incurring another penalty for using the letter ‘Y’ with each instance. He also says “Here goes the train”, so earns another penalty for using the letter ‘G’.
Kojey subsequently eliminates the letters ‘U’ and ‘P’ before saying “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, in my years of watching this show, Alex, is I know you’ll put anything in your mouth. I plan to use that to my advantage today.” This single statement earns him an astounding 22 additional penalties, for using one ‘X’, two ‘P’s, two ‘V’s, three ‘G’s, three ‘W’s, five ‘U’s, and six ‘Y’s, with just one minute left on the clock.
Kojey also eliminates the letter ‘F’ before saying “Bony knees” just before Alex blows his whistle, thus earning himself another two penalties for the ‘Y’ and the ‘K’.
In the studio, Greg puts it to Kojey that he had very little interest in the task itself, and was just enjoying the meal. Kojey responds that he’s always wanted to feed things to Alex, and had even had the experience commemorated in the form of a video still of himself feeding Alex poppadoms, printed on a T-shirt (which he subsequently reveals, by removing his jacket).
Alex reveals that Kojey had incurred a stunning total of 131 penalties for using forbidden letters during his attempt, thereby effectively producing an additional 97 poppadoms’ worth of weight, and earning himself last place.
(Written by Karl Craven)
(Illustrations collected and adjusted by: David Fuller)
