Steve’s contrasting home-made greeting cards

Steve brings in two greeting cards which he’d personally made for his own grandma Alice, when he was a child.

The first is a birthday card he’d made when he was eight, inside which he’d written the following poem for her:

My grandma’s eyes are brown,
And she does never frown,
She is 62 today,
So she does shout hooray.
*
She gives us lots of toffees
And a very lot of sweets
She takes us out to the park,
And all our lovely treats.
*
She always brings us presents
Every time she’s here,
So I pray to God every night
That he will always stay near

Greg reacts to Steve’s first, sweet prize submission by commenting that “It’s just a relief”, leading Steve to question whether he should continue with sharing the second card he’d brought in, which he’d made for the same grandma when he was 13 or 14 years old.

The second card is a (Grand)Mother’s Day card, featuring an image of a half-naked woman, onto which he had pasted a photo of his grandmother’s head, and added the caption “Mrs Catterall on her honeymoon”. He acknowledges that the card is “a bit sinister now” but claims that his grandma “absolutely loved it” and had “cried laughing” when she saw it.

When Greg asks what’s inside the card, Steve admits that it looks a little like a “kidnapper’s ransom note”. The inside of the card is displayed on-screen, revealing a poison pen style message made using words cut out from newspapers and magazines: “Beware… Alice IS AN EROTIC sex object (ask Arthur)”.

When awarding points, Greg decides to ignore Steve’s second card in favour of the first one, which he describes as “genuinely, heartbreakingly sweet”, and awards Steve 4 points.

(Written by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by Jenny R and adjusted by David Fuller)