Everyone takes the parade exam

The first question Greg asks is “What three word phrase did I use to describe Alex’s chef character?”. Julian correctly writes “limp white meat”, Lucy writes “swollen meat man”, Sam writes “a good bloke”, Sue writes “kill any vacuum”, and Susan writes “soft white meat”.

The second question to be answered is “In what year was Alex born, according to me?”. Julian, Sue, and Susan all correctly write “1972”, while Lucy writes “2015 or 1800s”, and Sam writes “1984”.

The third question Greg asks is “What was my magic word?”. Sam, Sue, and Susan all correctly write “Alakazam”, while Julian writes “Alakabaz”, and Lucy writes “Cheesecake tits”.

The fourth question in the test is “What couldn’t handyman Alex fix?”. Sue and Susan both correctly write “immersion heater”, Julian writes “big end”, Lucy writes “his tripod”, and Sam writes “his personal life”.

The fifth and final question is “What was I holding when Alex took his trousers off?”. Julian, Sue, and Susan all write “a rubber duck”, Lucy writes “a penis [cock ring] or cheese triangle”, and Sam writes “The Holy Bible”.

Lucy gets no correct answers, and earns fifth place. Sam gets one correct answer, and earns fourth place. Julian gets two correct answers, and earns third place. The Sues both get three correct (and “suspiciously similar”, as Alex puts it) answers, and so earn joint first place together.

(Written by Jenny R and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by Jenny R and adjusted by David Fuller)