Pass the parade exam

Task notes

• The contestants are sat in a line in the regular seating area, as though they are in the front row of a show.
• On stage, Alex changes into various costumes behind a red curtain, before emerging and striking poses, while Greg serves as emcee, narrating Alex’s various parade outfits.
• Alex’s first parade outfit is a lollipop man eating an actual large lollipop, and holding a stop sign with Greg and Alex’s silhouettes on it. Greg’s monologue for the outfit is: “The furry Wotsit. Oh, he’s wearing a lollipop person’s outfit. I remember my lollipop lady when I was a boy. Mandy. She was an angry lady who hated children.”
• Alex’s second parade outfit is a doctor, in blue scrubs and a white coat, holding a stethoscope and a clipboard. Greg’s monologue for the outfit is, “Born in 1972 and found as a baby in a car park in Nantwich, Alex is now dressed as a doctor. Which is ironic, because he’s currently suffering from ugly haemorrhoids.”
• Alex’s third outfit is a black jumpsuit, and he holds a wrench and a red screwdriver. Greg’s monologue for the outfit is: “Here’s Alex the handyman. He could fix your immersion heater, or do a very workman-like strip at a hen-do. But in real life, he couldn’t do anything like that, because he’s had a soft upbringing, and he’s incompetent.”
• Alex’s fourth outfit is a chef, in white and black checkered trousers, a chef jacket and toque, holding a rolling pin and a wooden spoon. Greg’s monologue for the outfit is: “Who ordered the limp, white meat? No, that’s just Alex the chef. He’s always unappetising, and when he eats he has to shut his eyes, because he can only open one orifice at a time.”
• Alex’s fifth and final outfit is a magician, with a top hat, red bow tie, black trousers, white shirt, and black cape. Alex performs a magic trick where he pulls a rubber duck out of his hat, after which he tears his trousers off to reveal a pair of red shorts, while Greg pulls a satsuma out of his pocket. Greg’s monologue for the outfit is: “There he is again, as a magician. Alakazam! Wow, he can literally turn any situation into a lifeless vacuum. What’s his magician’s name? Why, it’s The Mysterious Bacteriosis. No, he’s got legs! Look at his legs!”
• The questions the contestants must answer are as follows: “What three word phrase did I use to describe Alex’s chef character?”; “In what year was Alex born, according to me?”; “What was my magic word?”; “What couldn’t handyman Alex fix?”; and “What was I holding when Alex took his trousers off?”.
• The contestants must write their answers on their chalkboards.